Ribs. Beer. Boom.

Yesterday morning I woke up to find that my man and his friend who had crashed on our couch (this is a different friend from the one who usually sleeps on our couch, but who’s counting) had, the previous evening, left two almost-full bottles of Corona undrunken when they—wait for it—crashed on the couch. (YES, "UNDRUNKEN" IS A WORD, I JUST MADE IT A WORD.)

Gentle reader, I largely do not live my life in accordance with societal conventions, or ethical standards, or...well, probably the less said on this topic the better—but I do have one inviolable rule governing my household and existence in general: YOU DO NOT WASTE BEER. So, I did what anyone else would do in this situation, and dumped the leftover beer into the slow cooker along with some bone-in spare ribs (sprinkled with salt) and a squirt of barbecue sauce.

I timed it to cook for 8 hours on low; then it sat on warm for a couple of hours, because happy hour; then I served the ribs with creamy mashed potatoes and some chopped bok choi that I just cooked in salted boiling water for a couple minutes, because you want an unadorned green to balance the richness of ribs and potatoes.

Gentle reader, you will notice there are no photos of this dish. That is because it was consumed in less time than it takes to launch the camera app on my phone. It was melty, falling-off-the-bone delicious.

I saved the liquid the ribs had cooked in, in order to do something unholy with it, because technically it was still beer. Unctuous pork-fat-infused beer. [Cue Homer Simpson gargling noise] When I decide what heinous thing to do with this liquid, you'll be the first to know, gentle reader.

The moral of this story? Never. Waste. Beer. Even if you've left it undrunken.