Short Ribs With Kielbasa and Polenta: A Dish to Die For

I love short ribs over polenta. As previously noted, I like to slow-and-low-cook short ribs in the oven the night before and then reheat, for 3 reasons: (1) You can prep them while you make a quicker meal for that night; (2) You can skim off a congealed layer of grease when you take them out of the fridge so you don’t hate yourself as much; and (3) My kitchen does not have space for a slow cooker, are you kidding me. Barbie’s Dream House seriously has more kitchen square footage than mine, and I am not adjusting for scale here, people.

Anyway, the other week, I preheated the oven to 250° or so; dredged my short ribs in garlic powder, kosher salt, and paprika; and browned them in olive oil in my Creuset saucepot before adding an 8-oz. can of tomato sauce, some chicken stock prepared from the carcasses of recently documented roast chickens, and the remains of a bottle of red wine I had in the fridge. Then I put the covered pan in the oven for a few hours.

It was only later that it occurred to me that the fact that the wine bottle’s cork had a festive Santa hat topper meant that it had been sitting in the fridge for almost exactly one year, since my holiday party was scheduled for that coming Sunday. This concerned me. Actually, my immediate thought was OH MY GOD I’M NOT READY TO DIE OF FOOD POISONING, I HAVE SO MANY THINGS LEFT TO EAT, BUT IF MY DEMISE IS AT THE HANDS OF SHORT RIBS AT LEAST MY LOVED ONES CAN CONSOLE THEMSELVES BY REMINDING THEMSELVES THAT I DIED DOING WHAT I LOVED.

So anyway, the polenta recipe...

Stop Trying to Make Sauteed Cucumbers Happen. They’re Not Going to Happen.

Gentle reader, I have this super weird favorite taste combination. I like to sautee slices of English cucumber in butter and curry powder. I further like to put them between two flour tortillas with some cream cheese and smoked turkey, and cook that like a quesadilla. And I swear to God, contrary to what you might think, turkey is the only thing smoked in the making of this pseudodilla.

Okay, fine. I know you’re never going to try this, because it sounds totally gross. But.

Sometimes I do a raw version where I just dust the cucumber slices with curry powder and roll them up in one tortilla with the turkey (you could also use ham instead of/in addition to the turkey) and then slice it into four pieces that look like sushi when you turn them upside on the plate. This is a pretty decent appetizer for a party, if you ask me.

Cherry-Persimmon Pie (+ Bonus Holiday Party Food Porn)

Now. Normally I pride myself on making absolutely everything from scratch when I entertain. But there are exceptions.

Look, gentle readers, the holiday party I had on Sunday turned out to be quite the freaking production, let me tell you. I made like 6 trips to the Key Foods, formed and froze dozens of meatballs and phyllo triangles, shoehorned some compound butter into a star-shaped cookie cutter … and on and on and on. No rest for the wicked—you might say I was trying to stave off the prospect of getting coal in my stocking.

The menu, which yielded shockingly few leftovers, was as follows:

An 8-pound ham glazed with molasses and studded with pineapples, with sriracha mayo and horseradish sour cream accoutrements.

Two roast chickens, stuffed with orange wedges and leeks for flavor and (dubious) presentation.

An embarrassment of quiches (mushroom-leek, tomato-arugula, and bacon-arugula, all with Swiss cheese).

A tricolor penne salad with goat cheese, roasted tomatoes, and olives.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

'Nuff said.

Roast Chicken Is the Ultimate Cold-Weather Meal (or Three) and This Is How to Perfect It

Wait, how is it that I have never posted about the easy and wonderful and classic dish that is a simple proper full-on roast chicken? (Spoiler alert: It involves beer. You're welcome, America.) It might take

Here's what you do, gentle readers: After removing the gross little packet of entrails (save the contents to use for gravy, if you care to), pour a Budweiser tall-boy (we would also accept Tecate, Modelo, or two Corona bottles) into a gallon freezer bag, and put the raw chicken (like 2 to 3 pounds) into it, along with a few garlic cloves and a sprinkle of coarse salt. Wrap it in another plastic bag or put into a bowl to avoid any leakage, and store in the fridge overnight. (You could do it on the kitchen counter for an hour or two instead, but it really infuses the chicken with flavor and moisture if you do it overnight. Leaving it there a couple more days is fine as well.) The finished product doesn't taste of beer at all, swear—it just has an ineffable richness.

Yeah. I said "ineffable." What? Don't judge me. Do you want to eat delicious chicken or not?

Compound Butter Is Fancy and Easy

Compound butter—a.k.a. butter with stuff mixed into it—is stupid easy to make but impresses people greatly. And you can up the impressive quotient by molding it in a cookie cutter, as I am doing for my upcoming holiday party (see photo). This breakout butter star will be accompanied by homemade French bread. (My go-to recipe is from a fantastic 1960s-era cookbook called “The Cook Book [sic] of Breads.”)

The only things you really need to take into account when making fancy-shaped compound butter are time + temperature. Leave the butter out of the fridge long enough so it softens and hence is malleable enough to mash into the herbs/flavors of your choice (for the star pictured, I mixed in sea salt and herbs de Provence, which is a versatile blend of things like thyme and lavender and a bunch of other herbs that are ... um, from Provence ... I don’t know, Google it for God’s sake!), and then be patted and smoothed into a mold and left to set in the fridge.

Achieving Organizationgasm in the Kitchen

Gentle readers,

Yesterday a pre-Christmas miracle occurred. I reorganized each and every one of my kitchen cabinets so that now supplies and equipment are properly grouped together (spices, baking, plates, gadgets, etc.); the most frequently used of said supplies and equipment are within easy reach; and the risk of things crashing down and hitting me in the head/slicing my face off is significantly reduced. It was difficult to part with much of my hoard of  reused plastic take-out/sour-cream containers, but the fact that the mandoline I had been stashing near them came within inches of decapitating me was the inspiration for this entire project, so I stayed strong. (Incidentally, this incident also triggered a past-life flashback of being beheaded by guillotine, leading me to believe that I may have been Marie Antoinette in a previous life, which sounds about right given my penchants for frilly dresses, cake, and not giving a crap about other people.)

Anyhoo, here's just one of the satisfyingly transformative results, for the cabinet over the sink (note the purple box of Disney Princess Band-Aids at center shelf, far right, ready at hand for any future guillotinish incidents:

Achieving organizationgasm was a life-changing experience--as evidenced by the fact that after a long absence, I have resumed posting to this blog. Stay tuned for future updates with more delicious recipes, and tell your friends: BGC is back in action! Like I said, a pre-Christmas miracle.

Happy Holidays, and God bless you one and all!